So Ken is out on yet another side job.  I get so sick of side jobs.  Truly I don’t want to complain about it.  But sometimes I just want him to be here.  We need the money but sacrificing how much time we have with him sometimes is very hard.

The kids are playing upstairs.  They are simply used to him not being here.  It’s sad in my mind.  We spent the day outside playing.  I watched the kids ride their bikes up and down the road. 

Things in the neighborhood sure have changed.  The little old lady that seemed to have pulled it together is no longer here.  I miss seeing her in her garage with the door up.  She was always watching out for our kids.  We’d stop over and talk with her a bit.  She always offered the kids popsicles and candy.  The kids ended up expecting that as well.  I miss her.

Then I look up the street and realize just how weird life is.  The hillbillies are splitting up.  She has been having an affair with the 70 year old up the street. She is like in her thirties.  I’ll reserve saying exactly what I think about that.  Don’t want to offend no one’s virgin ears.  Her husband left yesterday with the kids.  The kids that I have always protected mine from.  The problem is she was the biggest part of the problem.  She is suppose to leave.  I’m stuck with her forever I think.  That’s so bad!!!

Just my thoughts for today

So let’s see what last year brought me…

We had an awesome winter.

In April, we celebrated Monkeyboy’s first birthday with us when he turned 4.

We went to the Newport Aquarium with Pumpkin’s class.  We looked for Santa but didn’t find him.  We saw sharks, octopus, penguins.  The kids were writing a report on penguins.  They had a grant to do this field trip.  What a great surprise.  Afterwards, my husband took me to Joe’s Crab Shack for lunch.

In December, we celebrated more Christmas’s than I can remember.  We had one with my mom where she cried when she opened her gift.  I made her a photo album on Snapfish of the last 7 years of our lives.  So she got to have a book with all of these pictures.  She was so excited and planned on taking it to Florida with her.

Jack (age 3) was watching his mom breast-feeding his new baby sister.  After a while, he asked:  “Mom why have you got two?  Is one for hot and one for cold milk?”

Steven (age 3) hugged and kissed his mom good night.  “I love you so much, that when you die I’m going to buy your outside my bedroom window.”

Susan (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups.  “Please don’t give me this juice again,” she said, “It makes my teeth cough.”

Marc (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant.  Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad:  “Why is he whispering in her mouth?”

A mother will never forget during a Sunday sermon, “Dear Lord,” the minister began, with arms extended towards heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face.  “Without you, we are but dust.”  He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter (who was listening) leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little girl voice, “Mom, what is butt dust?”

NOTE:  I just found this in my emails.  I did not write it but I wanted to share it.

I love these and can see some of these happening to my kids.

Thinking twice about visiting my sister in Florida now.

Tell them that you love them. – Think about how much your parents used to tell you they love you.  Remember, how good that felt?  Tell them now.

Hug them every day. – Think about how good a hug feels even from a stranger.  Shouldn’t you be hugging your kids first?

Play their favorite games with them – I sit down and play Candyland with Pumpkin and Monkeyboy all the time.  There have been studies that say that playing a game with a child when they are young opens up communication lines for when they are older.  You don’t want to have to try to open that communication line when they are a teenager.

Read a book at bedtime. - Teachers say it all the time.  Read to your child and they will love reading as well.  I really believe that statement.  Pumpkin is just learning to read so our stories have changed.  She is reading with us.  I think Monkeyboy is picking some of it up as well.

Go for a walk together. - Have you seen how many overweight kids there are today?  Let’s get healthy by taking walks together every evening if possible.  Two or three times a week is good too.  You’ll be surprised how much you talk about during that walk as well.  I learn all about things at school that Pumpkin forgets to mention when she gets home from school.

Ask.  Don’t order. – As much as it is natural, it benefits you more if you ask them to do something.  Rather than order.  Such as:  “Put your bike away now.” to “Do you think you could put your bike away?”  Yes sometimes it won’t work but a lot of the times it will.

Volunteer or donate to a charity. – I like to go through Pumpkin and Monkeyboy’s toys together and find things they don’t play with and donate them to charity.  They feel good about it as well since they know that it is going to someone who might not have what they do.  Doing this will cause your family to be pulled together by a common cause.

Adopt their sport or cause. - If you child loves gymnastics, soccer, dance, etc. make sure that you support them in their effort.  This tells them that you care about what they want.  Think about how you felt as a child and your parents supported your efforts in what you wanted.  Or if they didn’t support it.  How often were you likely to give up a sport if no one paid attention?  How often did you do better if they did support you?

Eat dinner together as a family. – Do you eat with your family at night?  It’s a great way to sit and talk about what happened in each of our lives.  Tell family stories about Grandpa Don or Nana Phyllis.

Make cookies. I learn more about my kids when we are having fun making cookies in the kitchen.  They love to see flour on my nose.  You don’t have to make cookies.  It could be a homemade pizza.  Just something where they see you having fun with them.

Monkeyboy has always loved to make his breakfast. I just put the oatmeal in a bowl and give him some hot water. Well lukewarm and he adds them together. It makes him feel like he is cooking his own breakfast. Today I realized that I could do that with lunch as well. So I gave him two pieces of bread and 3 slices of Kraft cheese slices. He was in heaven. Such a small thing to make him happy. True bliss is when you see the smile on your son’s face happening because it just did.

Tonight I felt really stupid.  How do you explain to a child why when they are suppose to spell “an” that its not “and”?  I explained that the two words meant something different.  The thing is at her age she hears by the sound of it not the meaning of the word.  So I had to send that message into the teacher.  I simply don’t know how to explain it.

Anyone have any suggestions?  I so need help on this one.

Monkeyboy asked me today, “Mommy, what are these bumps on my tongue?” to which I said, “Those are taste buds.”  Then I got the “Why, mommy?  What do they do?  And then “Can’t you get these bumps out of my mouth?”  So it got me to thinking about the reasons.  I did my best to explain it to him.

Taste buds let you appreciate your favorite foods like the salt on pretzels and the sweetness of ice cream.  Taste buds are found on your tongue and allow you to experiences tastes like sweet, salty, sour and bitter.  The bumps in your mouth are called taste bumps.  Taste bumps send messages to your brain about how what you are eating tastes.

Did you know that the average person has 10,000 taste buds?  All those taste buds are sending different messages to your brain about your favorite foods.  Now don’t forget your nose.  Taste buds do not get to take all the credit.  Your nose helps your taste buds out.  When you are chewing that tasty morsel, the food is releasing chemicals that travel up to your nose.  It is there processed with the taste buds information which creates the true flavor of that yummy slice of pizza you are consuming.

Marcus Fiesel’s foster parents knew all along their missing boy was dead, say Hamilton County prosecutors.

They knew, prosecutors say, because Liz and David Carroll Jr. left the 3-year-old alone for two days in a locked closet while they attended a family reunion. They knew because David Carroll later burned and hid Marcus’ body.

They knew even as they cried before TV cameras, begging the community to help them find the missing boy.

That is the story authorities told Monday after charging the Carrolls with Marcus’ death. The story is starkly different from the one the Carrolls told for 14 days.

“Everyone was aware, everyone covered up,” said Hamilton County Prosecutor Joe Deters at a press conference, flanked by Hamilton County Sheriff Simon Leis and Clermont County Prosecutor Don White.

“It really is one of the most heartless things I’ve ever seen,” Deters said. “The bottom line is you wouldn’t treat a dog like this.”

Leis added, “In my 35 years involved in law enforcement, this is the worst I’ve seen.”

A Hamilton County grand jury indicted the Carrolls on Monday on charges of involuntary manslaughter and two charges of child endangering, one for putting Marcus’ safety at risk, the other for excessive restraint over a prolonged period of time.

David Carroll Jr., 29, also was charged with gross abuse of a corpse, accused of burning the body in Brown County.

Deters said those charges are preliminary, meant to hold the Carrolls during the investigation.

He said more serious charges are expected.

Both are being held in the Hamilton County Justice Center.

Bond is expected to be set at an arraignment today.

Under the charges filed Monday, Liz Carroll, 30, could face up to 23 years in prison. David Carroll Jr. could face up to 24 years in prison.

Prosecutors say they believe the boy’s body was burned in Brown County and the remains were later dumped in or near the Ohio River.

Investigators spent Monday evening searching for Marcus’ remains in Brown County at a two-story stone chimney, all that’s left of a home on Marriott Road that burned years ago, said the owner of the property.

“We never smelled any smoke,” said Mike Cales, 37, owner of the 85-acre property. His home is on the opposite side of the property from the chimney.

But he smelled smoke late Monday as he hovered near the chimney after investigators left.

“It just breaks my heart,” said Paula Greer, the sister of David Carroll Jr.’s stepmother and the cousin of his mother, Debra Hounshell. “That’s not how I wanted it to turn out. I wanted him to be picked up.

“My God,” she said. “I didn’t even think about him being burnt. That is the most horrible thing.

“My family is so torn apart. … They lied. They lied. They lied,” she said.

“I wanted him to be found alive,” said Cherice Adkins, who is a second cousin and stepsister of David Carroll Jr. “I did. But I knew in my heart he was already dead.

“He was just an innocent baby,” Adkins said. “I am so upset I cannot breathe.”

The Clermont County Department of Job and Family Services took the Carrolls’ four children into custody Monday.

Marcus’ birth mother could not be reached for comment.

Thousands of people searched for Marcus since Aug. 15, when Liz Carroll said she fainted in Juilfs Park in Anderson Township and Marcus wandered off.

That same day Marcus had an appointment with Women, Infants and Children, a health and nutritional program for low-income children under the age of 5.

As the days slipped by there was no sign of the little boy, who was placed in the Carrolls’ care in April because Marcus was found wandering in the street the night of April 22. The Carrolls were paid $1,000 a month to care for the little boy, who was developmentally delayed and suffered from attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. He had the mental capacity of a 12- to 18-month old.

Liz Carroll told The Enquirer on Aug. 21 that neither she nor her husband hurt Marcus.

As time went by, authorities grew suspicious of the Carrolls.

No witnesses corroborated their story. No one other than Liz Carroll reported seeing Marcus in the park.

“Within a couple of days I knew full well that boy was never in the woods,” Leis said.

But the Carrolls stuck to their story.

“They lied to the bitter end,” Deters said.

Grand jury break
A break came Monday after the case went to a grand jury, Deters said.

He said investigators gathered information that showed the couple left their Union Township rental home the afternoon of Friday, Aug. 4, for Liz Carroll’s family reunion in Williamstown, Ky., leaving Marcus in a small closet inside a playpen-type crib with no food or water, just an electric fan.

“They intentionally left him there,” Deters said.

The Carrolls returned home at 7 a.m. Sunday to find Marcus dead, Deters said.

David Carroll Jr. then took Marcus’ body to an abandoned house in Brown County and burned it, Deters said.

Four days later the Carrolls told a caseworker Marcus was ill, turning her away, Deters said. That gave them five days to cook up the tale they told in Juilfs Park.

Authorities said the hoax ultimately worked against them because they started to contradict themselves in their public statements.

“The more they talk the better off we are,” Leis said.

Hamilton County Coroner O’dell Owens, who was reached while on vacation and was not involved with the case Monday, said heat, not the lack of food and water, likely killed Marcus.

The high temperatures Aug. 4 through the Aug. 6 ranged from 87 to 92 degrees.

Children are more vulnerable then adults, but typically it is possible to go three days without food and water, Owens said.

“In a closet, you are going to get very little heat exchange,” Owens said. “He also may not have been fully hydrated. It may not have taken three days; he could have been gone in 24 hours; that closet could have gotten up to 105, 110 degrees and that’s heat stroke area.

“It doesn’t take that long,” Owens said.

Deters said investigators decided to use the grand jury because witnesses are questioned under oath. If they lie, it can mean up to five years in prison.

Prosecutors often use that tactic to get witnesses and suspects talking.

Deters said various witnesses were called, but grand jury proceedings are secret.

Arrest times suggest Liz Carroll was called to the grand jury and her husband was not.

Liz Carroll was arrested at the prosecutor’s office at 2 p.m., but David Carroll was arrested at the Clermont County home on Mount Carmel-Tobasco Road where the couple was staying.

Amy Baker, David’s girlfriend who lived with him and his wife in Union Township, knew Marcus lived with the family and attended the reunion without Marcus, according to relatives.

She was not charged.

“She still may be,” Deters said. “We’re continuing to investigate. A decision will be made in the next 10 days.”

Deters would not say whether Baker testified or say who else was called.

Shortly after charges were filed, investigators did another search of the Carrolls’ Valley Wood Drive home in Union Township.

Caseworkers angered
Jann Heffner, executive director of Butler County Children Services Board, sent out a prepared statement, saying caseworkers were “saddened and outraged” by Marcus’s death.

“Marcus was a wonderful child who had a great deal of promise. His death has devastated our entire agency – especially those caseworkers and supervisors who had the pleasure of knowing him personally. We grieve for Marcus and those who loved him,” the statement said.

Deters said Marcus should never have been placed with the Carrolls.

An agency called Lifeway for Youth, a faith-based private agency, recruited and trained the Carrolls and recommended them to Butler County authorities when they needed a place for Marcus.

Lifeway is now under investigation by the state.

Local counties have halted placements through Lifeway.

State Sen. Gary Cates of West Chester said the state needs to answer questions about how Marcus ended up with the Carrolls. “If there is a problem in the system, I want to change the law to get the system fixed,” he said. “If there is a problem with somebody in the bureaucracy who messed up, I want to find out who messed up.

“I want to find out who failed in this situation,” Cates said.

Proud of community
Deters said people in the community, the thousands who searched, may feel betrayed, but they shouldn’t.

“I’ve never been more proud of law enforcement,” Deters said. “And I’ve never been more proud of the community at large.”

Many of those who helped search for Marcus held a candlelight vigil at the Carrolls’ former residence Monday night.

Late into the night the crowd left, but left behind messages of sadness.

Candles, no longer lit, were placed in the shape of a heart and Marcus’ initials, M and F.

Three bouquets of flowers and stuffed animals lay in front of the house.

Kandy Meadors, who lived down the street from the Carrolls’ rental house and whose 11-year-old son occasionally played with the Carroll children, said it was hard to understand how parents could harm a child.

“I can’t believe this. I just can’t comprehend it,” she said. “All mothers will cry over this, every mother on the street is crying.”

Meadors’ husband, Ed, said after Marcus disappeared, he occasionally saw the Carrolls drive by.

“They’d just wave and smile, drinking their Mountain Dew,” Ed Meadors said. “I hope they get what they deserve.”

Staff writers Eileen Kelley, Quan Truong, Sheila McLaughlin and Dan Horn contributed from Cincinnati.com.

I’m sitting here watching my daughter, Pumpkin, sleep on the couch right now and such peace has stolen into my heart. But sadness is also dwelling there for just a moment. It was a really busy day today. I usually try to find time to write though. To journal my thoughts. But its times like right now that I see my daughter’s face and wish there was someone to share the joy of her. She is so beautiful…so sweet and a gentle nature of her own. She is always trying to help someone and I hope that is because I set the example for her. I didn’t have the heart to wake her and send her to bed.

Today I was pondering what makes a mother. Is it blood? No, I don’t think so because I couldn’t love Monkeyboy anymore than I do Pumpkin. Is it the willingness to give all that you can for them? Well thats possible because I would give up my own life for my kids. You worry about what will happen to protect them such as providing stability if something happens to you. Is it love? Yes I think love is where it all comes down to. I love Pumpkin and Monkeyboy more than my own life. I simply am a mother.

I really do love him. Monkeyboy is such a wonderful child but could someone please slow him down? I just simply don’t know how to handle it. He never stops. Pumpkin and he are the complete opposites. I was used to this little girl that was calm and peaceful. Now I have a 4 year old that doesn’t stop. I mean HE DOESN’T STOP! He is running or getting into trouble all the time. I thought Pumpkin’s 2′s were bad. I had no clue what 4′s would be like with Monkeyboy. He has times where he gets so mad. Now he is starting to hit. We went to the mall today and he hit 3 little girls. I have no clue why. I made him apologize and then put him in the corner for a while. If you can call it that, I made him sit next to me and watch everyone else play. I didn’t think it would be fair to make Pumpkin leave since she didn’t do anything wrong.Oh well, that helped get the frustration out of my head so I’ll go run again after him.

–You know God created us to have someone else. We were not meant to be alone. We need that physical contact and support. Most of all we need love.

–I was given a gift of being connected to someone that I care about. Of knowing when something is wrong. I feel it in my heart and usually I am not wrong. It could be as simple as someone having a bad day. My friend, Cricket, will think of me because she needs my attention on something. I always receive the message and not by phone. My poems from my grandfather are a testament that things happen that are not always understood.

– I got really involved in the Jaycees.

My very first function was a Halloween party in the lower Rhine area. That’s a really bad part of town. So being a Halloween party I got dressed up. It was not required. I got dressed up as a witch. And I didn’t know the neighborhood well and ended up lost. Well I pull up to this house and I couldn’t help thinking I’m going to be killed watch and see. Anyway I asked for directions from this little girl.

She looked at me and asked, “Are you a Jaycee?”

Of course, I replied, “Yes, do you know where this is?”

Her face literally lit up and she said, “Yes, you go… well to suffice to say she gave me directions.

I wasn’t to know that I would later see this same little girl at the party. She came in dressed as a jelly bean bag. She was so cute and her mother was fortunate enough to come. Anyway during the party, I did my scary voice and told a wicked horror story to the kids. I literally had them spellbound… they were so rapt on my words. One of the other Jaycees tried to put input into the story. I tried to tell him but he just kept going. It didn’t work. He wasn’t aware that I wasn’t reading from a book. I started to read from the book originally. But I could see the children must have heard it before so I changed it and made it into my own story. So I continued after he made a comment that there was no way he could take over. Two of my gifts from God are my writings and my voice. Its not that my voice is beautiful…its that I can change it sometimes to reflect different things such as a wicked witch…Australian accent…English nanny…Scottish…even a frog. I have always been able to change voices in the middle of a story and it does me well when I am telling stories to the kids now.

So any way while I was at the party, the mother of that little girl came up to me. It still makes me get teary eyed when I think of that conversation. I hadn’t realized her daughter had won the costume contest… or that there even was one. So this mother tells me how very excited and blessed she feels that she was able to attend the party because she had to take off from one of her three jobs that she works to support her kids. That happiness and love that this woman showed to her child instilled in me that I wanted to continue to do the good work so to speak.