The comments that followed are now the reason that I know she was attempting to embarrass me.  This isn’t exact but you’ll get the gest of it. 

Aunt:  “Well we talked about it and because the tag was out we knew the shirt was inside out.”

Me:  “Figured oh well didn’t matter.”

Aunt gives funny look and drops it.

As I’m driving with my husband, I suddenly remember the conversation the next day to the cook out and begin to think about it.  Suddenly it occurs to me that his aunt was trying to embarrass me.  Isn’t it the first thing someone says when they want to embarrass you – “I don’t want to embarrass you.”  Not only that but why didn’t she tell me in private instead of waiting til all of the women were paying attention because we were starting games?

Well first off, I wasn’t embarrassed.  Not one part of me.  Oh Lordie, I’ve been married to my husband too long.  The things that come out of his mouth.  Let’s just say things have come out over the 12 years that we have been together that should be embarrassing and now they aren’t.

I’m sitting there in the car thinking.  Would she really do that?  Doesn’t she know that it doesn’t matter?  Is she that petty? 

LOL Of course I know she’s that petty.  We didn’t go to two birthday parties.  Things come up.  Such is life.  But his mother went to those birthday parties as a representative of our side.  Which btw she has been doing for her side for years.  She decided that it was all my doing so guess what she did…

You are not going to believe this!!

She defriended me on Facebook!!

Only reason I found out was.. I got one of those goofy things to send to the women you know.  And I went to send it to her.. and then I found out that…

Her entire side of the family defriended me.. except for the men!!!

Now do you think I called her about it?  Heck no..this mama don’t play those games.  I was later to find out that they defriended the entire female part of our family.  Oh boy doesn’t that stink!  NOT!

So was she trying to embarrass me?

I’d say  OH HELL YEAH!

Did it work?

Nope because I didn’t realize at the time!

Is she reading this?

Most likely!!!

Priceless:  Embarrassment on a blog seen for all eternity after finding out trying to embarrass me didn’t work!!

Now be sure to link up with SupahMommy for Post-Its.

Lately, I’ve been very distracted and totally not focused on what is going on. I guess that I’ve been suffering through a mild case of depression. I now realized that its coming across in everything that I am doing. I know that we all go through moments like this. But I need to start making my life less complicated.

I need to become that carefree girl I was before my sister and I started fighting back in October.  I guess you could call it fighting but then I guess not. We have communicated once in person through email. We both decided that we were not willing to compromise. While I love my sister and I miss her terribly, I can’t continue to try to meet her standards of life. I can’t belittle who I am at the same time. What happened between her husband and myself should not have affected my lifelong relationship with my sister but it has. She has disowned me now. So I’m going to get my life back on track. That means that I might not be posting every day. I’m going to do more stuff with my kids. I let everything become to overwhelming. Quite honestly I forgot that writing was fun. It became hard to write at all. I didn’t want to go visit because of the same thing.

As this was all occurring, I picked up a book called “Keeping Life Simply” by Karen Levine. She says there are seven guiding principles that she lives her life by. They are:

#1- Relax your standards
#2 – Free yourself from stereotypical roles
#3 – Take time to figure out what you find most satisfying
#4 – Create time for the things you care about.
#5 – Learn to enjoy what’s in front of you
#6 – Learn to be flexible
#7 – Prioritize

So how do these apply to me?

#1 – Relax your standards

Well this one is really easy.  I need to stop trying to make sure everything is perfect.  I had Easter here at the house with Monkeyboy’s birthday party thrown in there.  I had over 30 people in my house and quite frankly I was on nerves for two weeks because of it.  I forgot that the party was to have fun.  We had 96 Easter eggs that were hidden for the kids to find, a good Easter dinner, 4 wheeler rides, cake and presents.  We had lots of friends and family with laughter and tears.  But yet I was too worried about this being right or that being wrong.  I am hereby NOT doing that anymore.  My house is lived in so be it.

#2 – Free yourself from stereotypical roles

Well this is easy.. I’m a mother, sister, aunt, writer, daughter, grand daughter, niece, cook, recruiter, chauffeur, babysitter, house cleaner, and on and on.  WOW that made me tired just typing it.  So free myself from stereotypical roles.. ok I’m not the perfect mom.. my kids had cereal for dinner the other night and I’m ok with it.  Well being a sister just went out the door.  I’m a good aunt but I could be better.

But what they meant was to take out the stereotypical parts. I am so not like Martha Stewart.  I’m me.  I like writing.  I don’t like cleaning.  My house isn’t perfect.

#3 – Take time to figure out what you find most satisfying

Well lately I haven’t known what was most satisfying.  I’m fighting with Monkeyboy constantly but is it because he is sensing my mood?  I need to change it.

#4 – Create time for the things you care about.

I’m going to be creating more time for my family and get me more in line.  Then I can focus again.  Right now I need to just create time for fun.

#5 – Learn to enjoy what’s in front of you

Well I haven’t been doing this apparently.  I have two precious kids to be with.  I have a loving husband who thinks I’m going insane.  Its time that I focus on us again.

#6 – Learn to be flexible

I’m actually not sure what this means.  But I’ll find out.

#7 – Prioritize

I’m going to find out what needs to be prioritized again and get it right.

Note:  I have not read the book only did it off the principles so don’t hold the writer accountable.

I was talking to my husband the other day and asked him what he would tell a new father if he had the chance.  He wasn’t as upfront as I would have liked but he had some great suggestions that I will try to expand on them.

1. Get over the idea that you will not change diapers.  You will.  Be flexible about things around the house as well.  Do some of the cooking or cleaning.  Offer to babysit so that your wife can get out of the house.
2. Buy a good backpack.  You will always have to have something for your children to do.  Or a diaper to change.  He thinks that the people that make backpacks should make better ones for men to carry.  It is not all a woman’s job.
3. Do NOT talk to your child in that baby goo-goo sounds.  Talk like a normal person. 
4. Try to involve your parents in your child’s life.  Believe me that your children need as much support as possible.  And grandparents are the best. 
5. Understand that your wife will suddenly be pulled in fifty directions and all you can do is try to help.
6. Make your relationship with your wife a priority.  Set up babysitting services so that you can get out of the house.  Remember that your love is what keeps your family afloat.
7. Your baby will love to be held.  Get used to doing things with the baby on your hip.
8. Try to get everything you need done around the house before the baby comes.  Set up the baby’s room.  Do any kind of repairs that need to be done.
9. Realize that you are new at this.  You will make mistakes accept it.
10. Become more creative.  Learn new jokes and songs.  When you and your wife are down because you are so tired.  Do something to lighten the load.

Last night I had a dream about my first husband, Michael such a wonderful man.  I can honestly say that I’m a very fortunate woman to have met the two most perfect men in the world for me.  Michael was my first love.  He was my young love.  You know the kind that you can’t keep your hands off of because you fear losing them.  Well in his case, I feared losing him for six years as he fought his battle with diabetes. 

My dream got me to thinking that I should speak out against diabetes.  You see I got to see firsthand what happens to someone with diabetes and it’s not pretty.  Not at all.  Those six years before he passed away were bitter sweet.  There were moments that were so very precious.  Like the moments that he said he would have taken better care of himself if he had known that I was out there.  The love that we shared.  Michael at his top weight was only 148 lbs.  He was a little man.  He couldn’t gain weight.  If we were lucky, he would gain it for a week.  Then it simply dropped off.  (I wish I had that trait).

I watched this wonderful man who never said a bad thing about another human being slowly fade away.  I watched what diabetes does to a body.  I watched him lose his eyesight.  Can you imagine what it’s like to be able to see the world clearly and the next not to be able to see anything at all?  It happened to him.  You don’t know until it happens how precious those things are.  I was the last thing that he saw.  I will always be thankful for that.  He had looked into my eyes right before he went to sleep.  He woke up to never seeing again.  Oh we tried all kinds of surgeries to try and it gets it back.  It never worked. 

I watched as he lost his kidneys.  Both of them at once.  Well one of them we didn’t know about until he lost the second one.  Did you know that the body is such a splendid machine that it actually has one kidney that works and a spare kidney as a back up when it shuts down?  It’s true.  After he lost his kidneys, he began dialysis.  Three times a week.  Basically what it means is that you are hooked up to this machine that takes your blood out of your body and replaces it cleaned up.  You see when your kidneys quit working you need something to clean out all the toxins from your blood.  I watched him suffer through dialysis.  I know he suffered because every night after dialysis he would lie in front of the television and cry.  This proud man would cry.  I was the only one allowed to see that.  It still hurts to think of him in that much pain.

He began to lose the functions in his legs.  The circulation was so bad in his legs by this point.  He told me that he would pass away if he was put into a wheelchair.  He began to call himself “Herman the monster.”  I felt so bad for him but I was working most of the time to try and support him.  He did pass away within two days of them telling him that he would have to be in a wheelchair.  This man who lost his eyesight and his kidneys simply gave up when they said he wouldn’t be able to walk much more.

The other day I heard that parents were outliving their kids.  I was so sad to hear that fact.  How it is that today’s children are bigger and sicker than any other generations?  Read here for more information.  I’ve heard parents are becoming vegans to try and prevent this from happening.  There is an action called Vegan Action which is a non-profit organization dedicated to helping the animals, environment, and human health by educating the public about the benefits of a vegan lifestyle and encouraging the spread of vegan food options through our public outreach campaigns.  I’m not saying go vegan.  I’m just concerned about the kids of today.

My niece is 14 years old and she weighs over 200 lbs.  I worry about her constantly.  I am overweight but I’m an adult.  I know what it’s doing to my body.  I think it’s her mother’s responsibility to help her maintain her weight.  But her mother has the same problem.

Kids are now eating high-calorie diets yet they are doing little exercise.  These two traits are helping to shorten the lifespan of seriously obese children.  As a child, I don’t remember there being as many overweight kids are there are today.  In fact it was a rarity.  Back then, you were made fun of excessively if you were overweight.  Now it’s acceptable to be overweight because so many are.

The earlier that you develop diabetes which can be caused from eating the worse the disease is.  Take it from me; I know this for a fact.  What is happening to our kids?  I remember going outside and digging in the backyard for worms.  I don’t remember being inside the house much at all.  In fact, watching television was a treat for me.  No I did not grow up without televisions in the house.  I’m not that old.

Now what I’m asking you is to get your kids outside to play.  Doing activities such as:

• Let them ride their bikes. 
• Teach them some of those things you did as a child. 
• Catch fireflies with them. 
• If you have to have electronic games in the house make sure that they are interactive physically like Wii fit.
• Take them to a creek to explore the different habitats.
• Take them to the zoo.  Lots of walking there.
• Get them into organized sports
• Camp out with them.
• Go for a hike
• Take the kids to the dog park to play with the dogs
• Go fishing

The point is simply to get your kids active.  Let’s all be proactive in the fight for our kids life beginning today.  In the process we will get more fitter.

So Ken is out on yet another side job.  I get so sick of side jobs.  Truly I don’t want to complain about it.  But sometimes I just want him to be here.  We need the money but sacrificing how much time we have with him sometimes is very hard.

The kids are playing upstairs.  They are simply used to him not being here.  It’s sad in my mind.  We spent the day outside playing.  I watched the kids ride their bikes up and down the road. 

Things in the neighborhood sure have changed.  The little old lady that seemed to have pulled it together is no longer here.  I miss seeing her in her garage with the door up.  She was always watching out for our kids.  We’d stop over and talk with her a bit.  She always offered the kids popsicles and candy.  The kids ended up expecting that as well.  I miss her.

Then I look up the street and realize just how weird life is.  The hillbillies are splitting up.  She has been having an affair with the 70 year old up the street. She is like in her thirties.  I’ll reserve saying exactly what I think about that.  Don’t want to offend no one’s virgin ears.  Her husband left yesterday with the kids.  The kids that I have always protected mine from.  The problem is she was the biggest part of the problem.  She is suppose to leave.  I’m stuck with her forever I think.  That’s so bad!!!

Just my thoughts for today

DiGiornio’s House Party was a smashing success.  We had an absolute blast.  Now, I already loved DiGiornio’s pizza but the new bread sticks are totally awesome.  I think that I don’t have to order any pizza in now.  It’s reasonably priced as well.  The purpose of the party was to introduce DiGiornio’s new combo pack, pizza and breadsticks. 

A House Party^™ is thousands of parties happening across the country on a single day, hosted by people just like you. Each event is sponsored by a leading brand and focuses on something cool–like a new product, hit TV show, or great cause–that the sponsor wants its best fans to experience firsthand and share with their friends. It’s a win win situation.  They even supply you with a party pack.

They supplied me with games, a pizza cutter, coasters,
necklaces, and aprons. The kids had a blast with them.

We played royal rummy which is a very old game. We laughed, joked and told stories. I found out that one of my friend is a faithful follower of my blog. That made me nervous lol.

My brother in law was being a ham with his pizza. Yes it was cheesy.

Check out Houseparty..maybe you too could have a party for them.

I was over at my friends CopMama and I saw this great meme she does.  She has a prompt for this week that I just couldn’t stop thinking about “Tell us about a time you did something absent minded as a Mom!”

My thoughts immediately went to:  When haven’t I done something absent minded as a parent.

Isn’t that awful that was the thought that went through my head?  I think it is but let’s be practical it happens all the time.  Let’s be truthful too.  It happens to me.  It happens to my friends.  It happens to you most likely.  I don’t want no pointing fingers that it doesn’t.  I’m assuming.  OK I know the saying that goes with assuming so if I’m wrong then I’m an cow’s butt. 

Seriously think about this:

You are working hard on your bills.  Trying to get them all done.  Trying to squeeze that last dollar out to pay this or that.  Getting frustrated because that last dollar is just not going to come out no matter what you do.  And this conversation happens:

Pumpkin:  “Mommy?”

Me:  “Go talk to your dad”

Pumpkin:  “Mommy, Monkeyboy hit me.”

Me:  “Pumpkin, I’m busy go talk to your dad.”

Pumpkin:  “MOMMY MONKEYBOY HIT ME!” 

At this point, you are frustrated not thinking about it all.  Wanting to pay that bill and the nagging child is NOT helping.

Me:  “Go play!”

Next thing you hear is Monkeyboy screaming as he comes down the stairs. 

Monkeyboy:  “Mommy, Pumpkin just hit me.”

Me:  “Go tell Daddy”

Monkeyboy:  “Can I hit her back”

Me:  “Leave me alone!  Go play.”

Did I intentionally tell them to hurt each other?  No I didn’t.  Was I even really concentrating on them while I was paying the bills and my absented minded husband was watching tv?  No probably not.  Did them hurting each other (though not bad) result from this?  Yes I’m sure it did.  Will it happen again?  Yes I’m sorry to say I’m sure it will.  Did I mention that I’m human?  Well I am.

Please join us for Mama’s Guilt Mondays at CopMama.

I often talk about how Ken’s dad went into the hospital on the day that we met.  The doctors discovered that Ken’s dad had a rare form of prostate cancer on that day.  He had been sick a while at home but they hadn’t known what was wrong.

For the first month of dating, I tried to support Ken on his worries.  We talked about his father often.  We talked about how wonderful a dad Ken Sr. was.  He was everything that Ken could have hoped for in a father.  He was the father that was there cheering you on at all the sports or school events.  He became a scout leader so that he could be actively involved in anything that Ken or his siblings did.  He took them on those wonderful vacation trips that kids dream of.  Although, Ken’s mother didn’t go, that never stopped Ken’s dad from giving all that he was to the kids.  He worked hard.  He played hard.  He taught Ken to fish and camp.  He was an amazing father. 

Hearing all of this wonderful stuff made me misty eyed.  My dad was the complete opposite of Ken’s.  Our lives were brought up around the family business.  We were working for dad before we were 15 years old in most cases.  He didn’t have that time to spend with us.  My parent had a company that was 24 hours.  There was no breaks.  There was no time out.

Then comes the day that I am going to meet Ken’s parents.  Ken wants me to go to the hospital to meet them.  It has been over a month of us being together.  I’m very nervous.  All I can think is what are these people going to think of me.  I’m 32 years old.  He’s 22 years old.  They are going to think I’m this evil old woman going after their son.  That is not what happened at all.  They didn’t care about my age.  But it was one of my top concerns.

We get to the hospital.  When we arrive the first thing I notice is that, it is not just his parents.  His sisters and brothers were there.  I wasn’t prepared for that at all.  Throughout the evening, I would meet his aunts and uncles and cousins.  I met his entire family that night.  And it was huge.  They were all there in support of his dad.  I was overwhelmed about that alone.

But the thing is, I now had evidence that first opinions do count.  You see, as much as I loved Ken’s dad from that day on.  I will never ever forget that first night with him at the hospital.  It will be something that Ken’s family will remind me of for the rest of my life.  I’m a shy person typically.  Yes, I know I don’t come across that way but I am.  So meeting Ken’s dad like this totally embarrassed me.  You see, Ken’s dad had radiation that week and he was complaining about the heat.  I’m sitting at the foot of the bed on a stool with Ken when it happens.  Ken’s Sr. complains about the heat once again and then tells Ken that he has to show him something.  Now how was I suppose to know what that meant?  I wish I had I would never have looked up.

Do you know what this kind gentle man was going to show his son?

Do you have any idea?

Can you think of the one thing that would embarrass a future daughter in law more than anything else?

Ken’s dad threw off those covers of his and showed his son his big balls!  He had no underwear on.  He was showing him his over sized balls from the radiation.  They looked like big balloons.  Big hairy balls. 

He made the comment, “Look, Kenny, my balls ate my dick.”

I kid you not.  This is a true story.  And its the memory of the first time I ever met Ken’s dad.

Turbelence

turbulence [ˈtɜːbjʊləns] rarely, turbulency
n
1. a state or condition of confusion, movement, or agitation; disorder
2. (Earth Sciences / Physical Geography) Meteorol local instability in the atmosphere, oceans, or rivers
3. (Physics / General Physics) turbulent flow in a liquid or gas

I started wondering how many of us are affected daily from turbulence actions. Is there someone in your life that is upsetting all that you do. Do we cause this ourselves? I think everyone does at one point or another without realizing sometimes. Actions cause reactions.

Have you ever done something so awful to someone else and not really meant to? That causes turbulence in their lives. I know that I have. I didn’t really intend to do so but it has been known to happen. You see when Michael passed away, I kinda died with him. I loved him to distraction. I thought he was the most wonderful thing on earth. Then he wasn’t here anymore and it threw me into this major turbulence. I became adrift with out a life jacket. You see, he was my life jacket for over 6 years.

My life became jungled up with all these different feelings. How do you do this? Or how to do that? Honestly, at first, when you lose someone its like part of you have died. Sometimes you never get that part back. For a long time, I didn’t. I dated more men than I could count. It’s not that I wanted a relationshp at that point because I didn’t. I think you react the same way after you get divorced as well. You just want to have fun and just simply forget that part of your life is missing. Now what happens because you want to have fun is that you suddenly become very appealing to the opposite sex. I mean appealing.   I dated more men in that second year after he died than I had ever.

Now here is where the turbulence comes in, you see the opposite sex typically wants a relationship. Well ok you aren’t ready for such a thing. They get upset because you are. I was in that mumboland (yes I made that word up..give me a break.) for over 10 years. I didn’t think I would ever find someone.

The thing is that mumboland is very easy to fall back into. It’s so simple. It’s like a good friend just waiting for you to come back. I’d get in a fight with my husband and mumbo is waiting. Nothing can compare to what I had with Michael because it was young love. Oh don’t get me wrong I love my husband but not the same way.   My husband and my love is a deeper more mature love.  Neither can compare to the other.

Sometimes I actually know that he deserves better than me. He deserves to be loved like I had Michael.  We struggle every day of our lives now. We struggle sometimes to even speak or do something together. The kids keep us busy as heck. And sometimes… well I need to feel like I’m loved again passionately without thought or conditions. I need that emotional energy from another. Now most of us look to our friends for such a thing.

Well it’s Saturday morning, my husband just left for his first service call. I wonder if I’ll see him at all today. Or the weekend for that matter. I grew up in this environment when one of the parents was always on call but still I hate it with a passion. I want him here. I want to know he’s safe.  I worry when its bad weather because just like the mailman he’s out there.  There was a blizzard one year, he was asked to do an interview with a newscast because they wanted to do one on people who were still working outside. 

I know that somebody has to do it. I know that someone has to go out there and help people with their problems. But sometimes I just want him home. I want to be stingy and say no way. We need him. But life isn’t about what we want. So he leaves. The kids and I try to get through the day as a whole unit. You see even they are affected when he’s on call. You can’t make plans as a family because you don’t know if he’ll be around. He works late most nights because the calls just keep coming in. So you can’t plan dinner around him either. 

We get invited to parties all the time. We accept typically and then we find out that he’s on call. That means that we have to drive separately or not go. So we go and he has to leave in the middle of the party. When that happens I usually feel like my other half is gone. I know its stupid. I know I’m a grown adult but yet I feel that way.

When he’s on call, I feel like a single parent.  All the pressures of the house are on me.  I’ve talked to lot of spouses in the same situation as me.  We all feel the same way.  My mom felt like this as I was growing up.  I just didn’t realize it until lately.  I get lonely when he’s gone.  I’m learning that I have to find new things to keep busy.  Find new projects to keep my mind still.  It’s not the same thing as knowing that you can do this or that with him.

The kids have a hard time with it as well.  They constantly ask when daddy will be home.  I can’t answer that question.  I don’t know when he’ll be home.  Most days I’m lucky if we get a call from him telling us how the day is going.  He’s simply to busy to call.  I understand that but its still hard. 

We have learned to treasure the times that he is home with us.  Sometimes it’s just not enough.  Every season has a reason to keep him on call.  Tax season means that people want to fix something that they have been putting off.  Summer season means lots of rebuilds and maybe he might be home more.  Fall season means let’s get ready for those holiday parties.   Rain means flooding to us.  Snow means pipes breaking.  Warm weather after cold..busy season.  Cold weather..busy season. 

When he’s super busy, our relationship changes as well.  It feels like the love goes right out the door.  We go back into the peck on the cheek before he leaves.  That means no sex too.  I know it’s because he is stressed out.  This year was incredibly hard.  I seriously wondered if we would survive.  Sometimes I still wonder. 

So when you have a service man out to your house think about the family that is missing him. Think about the fact that he is taking his time away from them to help you. Treat that service man with respect.

Just my thoughts for today.

This is an excerpt to my deceased husband written on February 28, 1997:

Hello my love,

I wonder if you would be proud of me?  Would I still be your dream?  Would you laugh and tell me you know I could do it?  If only, my love, you were still here with me.  How different my life would be!  I love you.  Still and always!  You were my everything and I yours.  I wish that you were lying next to me right now.  Oh but for a moment even a second in your arms again.  To hold you for that cherish second, I could survive the rest of my life happy as a lark.

I know I gained a lot of weight.  I don’t look like your bag of bones right now but I love you!  Even after all this time, I still love you!  And I know I always shall.

You, my love, are still the half of my soul that is missing.  I still feel so incomplete without you like half of me is missing.  And it is because half of me died with you. 

To hold you

To love you

To laugh with you

is my dream

Darling, I still hold you in my dreams and people wonder how I don’t want to get involved.  I’ve only hurt people since you passed away.  I try not to but I don’t care about them and it happens.  I have to learn to walk away to become whole again.  All of my success means nothing without you by my side.

I love you, petal

Note:  This was posted only to remind you how very special love is.  You need to always remember to cherish what you have.   Lately I seem to have gotten off track as well.  I’ve worried about what I was doing.  I’ve worried about if the kids did this wrong or that wrong.  I’ve worried about the distance between my husband and myself.  We seem to be growing farther and farther apart sometimes.  Reasons are varied.  It could be because of money.  It could be because I’m taking for granted.  It could be because I take him for granted as well. 

Whatever the reason, this excerpt could not have found a better time to have fallen into my hands to remind me how very special he is to me.  I am going to take the time to cherish what I have.  To cherish the time that he and I have together. 

Please take the time to tell your significant other that you love them.  (If you do for real that is.)  Take the time to hug them.  Remember how very precious that love is.  Because I can tell you for sure that it can be taken in the blink of an eye from you.  I’ve had it happen.

Yesterday was Valentine’s Day.    It was a great day for family and friends.  We had a skating birthday party to go to.  My niece turned 8 years old last week.  It was a lot of fun.  The kids had a blast.  Pumpkin did not do well on skates at all.  She couldn’t get the concept and tried to pretty much run the entire time.

Monkeyboy, on the other hand, got the idea right off.  Of course, I’m sure it had to do with the skating shoes he had on.  I can’t exactly call them skates.  He was just walking around. 

We had lots of fun with great family moments, pizza, cake and presents.  Gabrielle, my newest niece, was adorable.

I’ve always said that we treat the three girls differently because they were all born within a year of each other.   In fact, we were very fortunate about that.  Aunt Barb bought them all hats to wear. 

As we are starting to do presents, Alisha starts to open our gift when she says, “You got me clothes.”

I replied, “That’s what you asked for.”

Her response, “NO I didn’t that is what my mom asked for.”

We all laughed because in actual fact that is what her mom asked for.  But it is also what she needs.  It got me to thinking about how different the economy is.  How many parties do you now go to where you do purchase the child cloth?  I used to never buy them clothes.  I always wanted to get that perfect toy but today I worry that they don’t have clothes.  I worry about what their parents can afford.  Not exactly what the child is asking for.  I don’t want a child to go without.  Are you doing that now?

One of the biggest things parents have to learn is how to educate their children about finances. I don’t mean to just give them the money. Truthfully that will never make them street wise. I believe that how my parents raised me about money is the best way. You have to appreciate what you have before you can really appreciate things. My mother has always told me that I would never understand why people get upset when others just jump on their furniture until they bought their own couch. Let me tell you that are so true. I get irate every time I see Monkeyboy run across the room and throw himself on the couch.

I’m definitely not a pro on this subject but here are some of the tricks that I have learned over the years from various people:

1. Start with you – If you don’t understand money, you can’t teach your child. Learn about how to keep a budget and staying within those limits. Learn about cost saving things. Learn about investing. Learn about savings. Go to the experts and find out so that you can save yourself money as well.
2. Teach them by example – Now I’m not telling you to explain all your bills. I wouldn’t want to do that and neither I’m sure would you. But I do keep a calendar that shows when a bill is going out or is due. They see me keeping an actual system they know that you are doing it. Explain that accidents do happen and how to pick up from it. Or when they want something special and you have a bill, show them the bill on the calendar. This, also, helps to keep you accountable for your finances.
3. Set an allowance up – Start your children on allowance early. Now this doesn’t mean that you just give them money every week. They need to earn. By earning the money, they feel like they are accomplishing something. A lot of people do the allowance by age such as if you have a 7 year old, you might give her $7.00. That is a dollar per age. If that’s too steep, just lower it down. But always do it so that it’s equal across the board with your kids. Now remember you are not just going to hand this money out for nothing, have them do chores around the house like doing the dishes, cleaning their rooms, etc.  Note:  I am not saying that you can never splurge for them.
4. Open up a savings account for them – Take them to the bank to open up a savings account. Explain how important it is to put money into their account. Now the trick here and yes you will probably shake your head at me is to let them control the account. Yes when they first have money they will spend it frivolous stuff but what they will learn as they grow if you don’t give them more money, is that they have to save to get what they want.  Teach them how their money can grow in the bank.
5. Talk about the prices of things – Talk to them about how much something cost. Look at what they want to get and how to go about getting something. If they want the newest game boy, take them to the store and see how much it is. Then talk with them about how much they have to say in order to get one. Something on the lines of: “Ok that costs $90; you need to keep your allowance for 6 months to buy that.” Don’t fall back on I’ll just buy it for you. They won’t learn about saving to get something.

So how do you help your child to learn about money?

Ok so yesterday I had a question posed about my profile about what job I loved and gave up to come home to be with my family.  I decided to do a walk down memory lane post.  Its a good day to do it since its Sunday and such a blessing of a day.  It’s raining out and my thoughts are turning to old past times.

I have one sister and three brothers that I love dearly.  My parents are both still living.  I thank God for that each and every day.  My heart goes out to anyone that has lost a parent.  I grew up in a very dysfunctional family so hey that might be why I am who I am.  But I’m much more complicated than that.

Early on in life, I met the man of my dreams, Michael. Michael was a wonderful man.  I lived through so very much with him.  I watched someone die from diabetes.  Back in that time, diabetes was not understood at all.  I remember firing doctors because they would literally ask my husband what to do when he was sick.  Yes that makes sense lets ask a man that is in a delirious state.  One of the reason that you hear me constantly tell you to trust your instincts when your little one is sick.

Did I ever mention that I’m a grandma?  I doubt it.  You see when Michael passed away his daughter’s mother decided it was best that I not be involved in her life anymore.  I respected that wish.  How could I not?  It wasn’t until she was 18 years old that I did approach her again.  My heart believed that she deserved to know a little about her father.   Now here is something that I have never talked about.  You see, when I met with Christie, I found out that she always worried about her father.  She worried about if he was saved.  Something that I know he was.  She worried because no one ever allowed her to speak of him.  She wasn’t allowed to talk about what she remembered so the memories faded.  I was handing her back a photo album with all of his pictures.  Today I miss that album.  There were such memories of who he was in it.  But I hold his memory in my heart.  He was the first person that taught me to love unconditionally.  He was my blessing.  My angel on earth.  And now he is my guardian angel.  The thing was when she came to meet me.  She brought her family.  Her husband.  And my little grand daughter.  I cried when I saw her.  You see her child looks exactly like she did.  So much of my precious Michael was in her.  I don’t see them now but they are always in my heart.  Christie didn’t know me.  How could I expect her to include me now?  I still mourn him though.  The love is always there.

Ok so while I was with Michael, I was also suffering with endometrosis.  And that story could go on and on.. so go here and here for that information.  Long story short I ended up not being able to have children before I was 23 years old which was when my love, Michael, passed away.  I spent 10 years mourning him severely.  Oh I dated a lot of men.  They’d want to get close I’d back up and say see ya.  I had 2 dates in one day.  I’m not bragging here.  It’s just that when you are in this stage you don’t really think.  You try to hide your feelings.  I did.  And I did it well.

During all this time, I continued working as a Administrator.  I was good at my job and I loved it.  I didn’t want anything else.  You see, when you know that kids are not a possibility in your life.  You don’t think about getting married.  You don’t think about having a family.  You don’t think about it because it hurts to know that you aren’t capable of doing so.  Instead you become goal driven career minded.  Or so I believed.  I volunteered during those years for various organizations, such as:  Jaycees (Junior Chamber of Commerce), American Red Cross, March of Dimes, Tall Stacks, hospitals, schools, literacy organizations, etc.  Before you start saying I’m so good.  That’s not true.  I did it for the feeling that I got as a volunteer.  It is an amazing feeling.  If you haven’t given of yourself freely please consider volunteering.

I turned to my sister’s kids for my maternal instincts.  I took them to Kings Island and various other locations.  We made a gingerbread house every year so that my sister could go shopping.  Its not that I didn’t want to adopt at this point.  Its that I did not want to inflict my problems on someone else.  I spoiled her kids as if they were my own.  I always went home feeling empty.  I hated going to any baby shower.  I tried not to tell anyone how I felt.

My job was going great.  I had the looks of going to the top of the chain.  I was working for Great American Financial Resources when I met my husband, Ken. I was moving up in the ladder at work and here was this good looking younger man who was interested in me.  We had a lot of fun.  Honestly I never dreamed I would end up being married to him.  I still remember my thoughts “wow he’s a great guy.  We can have some fun until he decides he wants to get married and have kids.”  Nearly didn’t marry him for exactly the same reason.  I wanted him to be able to have kids.

How was I ever suppose to know that we would end up having two children?  Well as it turns out Pumpkin came along eight months after we got married.  I adopted her as a step mother adoption. We were fine financially until Pumpkin became ill.  We couldn’t keep her well.  She was sick all of the time.  I love Pumpkin with my entire heart.  I don’t believe that I could be a better mother if I had been able to carry her myself.

OOps have to run..hope you enjoy it.  Oh I forgot if you have any questions, please feel free to ask.