We went to church at a new one this last week without my husband (he didn’t want to get out of bed)… this is what transpired.

Faith whispers:  Mommy, I have to go to the bathroom.

Me whispers back:  Then go.  (She’s been going by herself for a while)

Faith whispers back:  Mommy, I can’t open the big door.

Me whispers back:  Ok, I’ll hold the big door and be there when you get back to open it up.

We get up and walk to the back quietly.. I open the door and out she goes.  Jason is still sitting in the pew. 

I’m sitting in the back row of the church waiting for Faith to come back and I hear a ringing that sounds to familiar to my ears.  Oh no its my cell phone.  I think okay it will stop in a minute.  And cringe.  I know its on low so I hope it doesn’t bother anyone too much.

Out of the mouth of babes comes:

“MOMMY YOUR CELL PHONE IS RINGING!”

Mortification hits.. I’m embarrassed.  The ringing had stopped.  It had been quiet but Jason wasn’t at all.  Full lung effect.  So I quietly say as I’m being stared at by all these people.. “Jason, it’s ok!”

Jason:  MOMMY YOUR CELL PHONE IS RINGING AGAIN!!

Ok I think I was too embarrassed to noticed that it started again… Guess who?

Did you figure it out yet?

Any ideas?

MY HUSBAND who didn’t know why I didn’t make him breakfast as he woke up late!!!

Yes I’m going back to church still next week!

My son is running around without his head today. I’m beginning to wonder if its genetic. You see I know his birth uncle. Actually I know him so well that I’ve seen the exact same thing with him. Here he comes what will he want to know now.

Jason: “Mommy, can you put ice in my glass?”

Me: “Jason, your drink is cold. There is no reason for you to have ice.”

Jason: “Mommy, I really need some ice.”

Me: “Jason, I said there was no reason.”

Jason: “But, Mommy, I’m trying to save you time.”

Me: “Oh how?”

Jason: “Mommy, ice melts. My drink will last longer.”

Kid’s logic ain’t it grand?

You know how you always get gifts from people for your kids that you would never buy? Well that’s what happened to me. Faith got a tattoo kit for Christmas. I put it aside thinking I would wait until the spring or summer to use it with them. I figured lots of water would be necessary to wash it off. The fact that there are markers in that kit was also a good indication that lots of cleaning would be involved.

As normal on Saturday morning, I got up to go shopping and left the kids with my husband. They knew where the kit was an immediately set to telling him that they needed to play with it. Ok now wouldn’t you think that he would be bright enough to know that if they were going to play with it that he should be involved? Well he did at first. Then he got bored with it. He wanted to do something else. So my clueless husband told them that they could play with it and do what they want.

Let me tell you.. I came home to Jason and Faith both being covered in ink. I’m not talking mildly. I’m talking flowers and marks on their faces, their arms, their stomachs, their legs, and anywhere else they could find. Jason had this thing around his wrist of like markers just going round and round. Faith had this huge glob in the center of her forehead. She told me it was a flower. It was a disaster. They had literally just had a ball with it. And they still had the markers that came with it up in their rooms?? I guess he wasn’t thinking about the color walls that we were going to have.

Now I asked him about it. He said well it will wash off. Wash off.. are you kidding me? Yeah right it will wash off. We started giving the kids baths on Saturday afternoon. I think they got more baths than we could get water for. Jason was complaining because he didn’t want anymore baths ever again. That boy loves water so that was new. I kept picturing sending Faith into school looking like this. I kept thinking about what the kids would say to her not to mention what the teacher would think. Finally Sunday evening these markers came off of them. So yes the package says it is washable. It is but it takes forever.

Don’t you just love it when you leave them home alone with a responsible adult??

Jack (age 3) was watching his mom breast-feeding his new baby sister.  After a while, he asked:  “Mom why have you got two?  Is one for hot and one for cold milk?”

Steven (age 3) hugged and kissed his mom good night.  “I love you so much, that when you die I’m going to buy your outside my bedroom window.”

Susan (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups.  “Please don’t give me this juice again,” she said, “It makes my teeth cough.”

Marc (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant.  Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad:  “Why is he whispering in her mouth?”

A mother will never forget during a Sunday sermon, “Dear Lord,” the minister began, with arms extended towards heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face.  “Without you, we are but dust.”  He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter (who was listening) leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little girl voice, “Mom, what is butt dust?”

NOTE:  I just found this in my emails.  I did not write it but I wanted to share it.

Upon popular request, I am again joining Supahmommy with Post It Tuesday. Each post means something to me. Mostly likely it will reference something that happened this week. So on with the Post-Its.

Please please God give me the patience of a saint! Today is one of my normal days with Jason but the furnace isn’t running. My freaking husband ran out the door without out even kissing me. Ok come on yes I know it’s just the punctual kiss in the morning but I WANT my kiss. He wasn’t mad at me. He just gave the kids hugs and kisses and forgot about me. He FORGOT his loving wife. And I called him on the cell phone and told him to come back and kiss me. He said OOPS!! What the heck is OOPS about? Come back and kiss me you idiot. So I’m kissless today.

I run around the house listening to Jason complaining because like normal I’m getting Faith ready.

Jason: “Mommy, I don’t want to watch this show!”
Me: “Jason, mommy put your cartoons on already.”
Jason: “But Mommy I don’t like this cartoon.”
Me: “I am getting Faith ready. I can’t help you right now.” Brain thinking just gives me time to get her on the bus and you can drive me insane.
Jason: “BUT MOMMY I DON”T WANT TO WATCH THIS SHOW!” (Yes he was screaming at the top of his lungs. Oh boy do I know what today is going to be like.)

I went back to trying to get Faith’s mop into a pony tail.

Faith: “Ow that hurts”
Me: “Let me cut your hair off please.”
Faith: “No mommy I want my hair to grow.”
Me: “But you can’t take care of it. It looks bad when it’s not put up.”
Faith: “Mom, I WANT MY HAIR LONG.”
Me: sigh

Walk Faith to the new bus stop. Our bus stop which simply translated means I freeze while she waits for the bus to come and then she runs down the street. I’m freezing. It’s not that cold so why am I freezing? Because I put on my husband’s robe which I now know has holes in the seat. There is simply nothing like having air rush up your butt.

I walk back into the house to find Jason tearing his sister’s diary up. Yes tearing. She’s going to kill him if I don’t today. I can tell.

Me: “Jason, you are not supposed to have Faith’s stuff.”
Jason: “Why not I don’t have one of these?”
Me: “Cuz you aren’t.”
Jason: “Well, Patsy would have let me have one.”

Ouchie! He used that word on me. Patsy is Jason’s former short term foster care mother. And when ever he is mad at me or isn’t getting his way, he uses that woman’s name. He so knows as well when he does it that it drives me insane.

I went downstairs in the laundry room thinking that it was safer for me there. YES I thought that doing laundry would make me peaceful lol. Jason follows me downstairs.

Jason: “Mommy, I don’t want to watch that show.”
Me: “I’m doing laundry.”
Jason: “Mommy, change the channel.”
Me: “Stop ordering me around you aren’t my boss.”
Jason: “Yes I am.”
Me: “Sit on that box right there and be quiet. Time out young man.”

I walk out of the laundry room into my bedroom. And then it starts.

Jason: “MOMMY YOU FORGOT ME.” Over and over and over he says it.

God, again, please give me patience.  If Monday starts like this, heaven help me for the rest of it.

Jason asked me today, “Mommy, what are these bumps on my tongue?” to which I said, “Those are taste buds.”  Then I got the “Why, mommy?  What do they do?  And then “Can’t you get these bumps out of my mouth?”  So it got me to thinking about the reasons.  I did my best to explain it to him.

Taste buds let you appreciate your favorite foods like the salt on pretzels and the sweetness of ice cream.  Taste buds are found on your tongue and allow you to experiences tastes like sweet, salty, sour and bitter.  The bumps in your mouth are called taste bumps.  Taste bumps send messages to your brain about how what you are eating tastes.

Did you know that the average person has 10,000 taste buds?  All those taste buds are sending different messages to your brain about your favorite foods.  Now don’t forget your nose.  Taste buds do not get to take all the credit.  Your nose helps your taste buds out.  When you are chewing that tasty morsel, the food is releasing chemicals that travel up to your nose.  It is there processed with the taste buds information which creates the true flavor of that yummy slice of pizza you are consuming.

I was watching the kids at the mall. Jason was running around like a bat. He was having so much fun with kids his age. He has changed so much since he has been here and I can’t wait til he is mine. Just hearing him giggle makes me smile today. He was so carefree today. Faith, on the other hand, didn’t look very happy. She was fighting with the kids on the playground because they wouldn’t do what she wanted. I had to give her a times out 3 times before I finally gave up and said lets go. And then it was “Mom, can I get some earrings from Claire’s?” Well I stood my ground I’m not rewarding that behaviour and I said no.

Ok no one told me that I would ever get addicted to my cell phone. I can’t even begin to tell you how many times I have thought about a cell phone since it was stolen. Its really kind of crazy. I went to Borders today. Yes I’m a book worm sometimes. I suddenly thought, “Man, my husband can’t call me if he needs me.” Now that was a concern since every time something bad happened to Faith. She was with him. Such as both times the dog bit her, when she busted open her mouth falling in the bathtub and lets not forget when he turned her into the green monster.

I think that was the funniest thing I ever saw when I got home. I went to Bingo. Now, I know more people go to Bingo then I ever thought so don’t think it. Well, I left a dabber at home. (For those of you Bingo virgins, that’s a bottle full of green ink with a dabber on top of it). Faith was upstair and my husband got distracted as usual. She was in a diaper when she found the dabber. She got the lid off and poured it all over herself. The only part of her that wasn’t green was where her diaper had been. It took 2 weeks before she was not a martian anymore. You wanna talk about old ladies staring at you like you were the devil reincarnated? Well they did. So needless to say, I came home right after I had the thought about the cellphone lol. Everything was alright though.