While I was sick Menopausal New Mom was kind enough to tag me as a Theta Mom (The True, Authentic Mom). Menopausal New Mom shared with us why she thought she was a Theta Mom so please check out her post here. I want you to know that I was very touched by her request. I’m supposed to share five reasons that I believe have shaped me into a Theta Mom.
Here they are:

1.  When Pumpkin was 12 months old, she began to get sick and stayed sick. I was literally terrified. My precious little baby was capable of having hand, foot and mouth, strep throat and ear infection at the same time and act like it was an every day occurrence. Did I accept the doctors telling me it was normal? No, I did not because there was something wrong with my baby. I wanted to solve the issue. We realized that she couldn’t stay in preschool with her being so ill. I chose to stop working outside the house and come home. I didn’t work for over two years as we fought to make her better. She had her adenoids, tonsils, and tubes removed by the time she was 18 months old. She saw top specialists. She had more blood work and tests than you can imagine. Still I didn’t stop.

My baby girl was almost 2 years old before she weighed 20 lbs. We were told that she probably had cystic fibrosis. Let me tell you hearing those words were like a cut to our hearts. I was so upset but then I kicked myself in the butt and said get up and find a way. I did my research on the internet. None of it was good but I was determined that my daughter would live a happy normal life. We would just change things to accommodate the illness. The illness would not be her life. It would simply be part of it. The doctors were wrong. She did not have it. She had a very bad immune system which really wasn’t surprising since her biological mother did not tell good care of herself while she was pregnant. We fought for several years with her health. But today she is a healthy seven year old girl. She is rarely sick. During her illness, Pumpkin barely spoke. While she was sick, she would bang her head against the wall. We tried to stop her whenever we saw it. But we knew something was wrong because of it. It was so frustrating for me to see her frustration by it. I just wanted her to be able to communicate with me. By the time she was 2 years old, she spoke 10 words. She now suffers from a speech issues but we are working on that as well.

2. I carry a backpack with me as a purse so that I am always prepared. In the backpack, I have toys, crayons, paper, coloring book, snacks, drinks, and wipes. I used to try to carry a book or magazine with me but I never got to look at it. I stopped carrying them because I would want to look at it and my job was to entertain the kids. Period. I take an extra suitcase on vacation full of toys. It is so much fun packing for them on trips. Ok I have all their clothes ready. Now how many toys do we pack away?

3. I tried to maintain that relationship with their birth mother. I had known Marsha since she was 4 years old. I watched her grow up. I loved her as much as if she was my own during those years. She was the first child that I attached myself to when I found out that I would not be able to have kids. So you can see how hard it would be to walk away from her. You see, Marsha was willing to see Pumpkin only when she could show her off to her newest boyfriend. Marsha was not stable enough for me to have around the kids. She was getting into drugs and the wrong people. I could not provide a stable environment with her in it. She would call to talk with me about this and that but never bring up Pumpkin. So being Pumpkin’s mother first, I chose to stop any communication. She has never called since. I still miss her today. But for the safety of Pumpkin, I removed her involvement in our lives.

At one point, I was going to her Myspace and her aunt’s Myspace to get pictures of their siblings. Monkeyboy included. We found out about Monkeyboy going into foster care through the aunt’s Myspace. She was begging for people to call and tell foster care that it was wrong. I didn’t think twice about calling to tell them that if Monkeyboy was not returned to the aunt that we would take him. I thought of Pumpkin’s and Monkeyboy’s well being first. They were my first priority. I didn’t think about what my husband would say. I didn’t think about how this would affect my family’s financials. I simply thought about how this would affect Pumpkin (an ultimately Monkeyboy) if we did not try to get her brother out of foster care. If we let him fall into the system, I knew in my heart that Pumpkin would wonder why we had not tried to get him. I knew that Pumpkin would look for him for the rest of her life. So we went after him.

Getting Monkeyboy from foster care means that I had to change my entire life again. I had to quit working from home. He needed that extra attention. And as a busy little toddler he was so very active. There was no way I could work.

4. I can honestly say that I’m not a typical mother but then maybe I am. Maybe people just need to realize that motherhood has changed. I make mistakes. I laugh at them. I learn from them but I make them. For instance: when Pumpkin was 2 years old, we decorated her room. We allowed her to do some of the decorating with us. We decked her room out. I came up with a design in my head for the room. She was going to have a tea area in the park. Some place for a little girl to feel like a princess. We put down tiles on the floor to represent the tiles you would find outside. We painted the ceiling deep blue for the sky. We painted the main parts of the wall a light pink. We painted the trim green for grass. And then we went about drawing flowers and butterflies. Now here’s where we goofed, we allowed Pumpkin to put her hands and feet into the paint for prints on the wall. To this day, Pumpkin still tries to paint her walls every chance she gets. It doesn’t matter how many times we tell her she’s not suppose to do it. My husband had out filler which is what you use to fill holes in your walls. He left for 5 minutes. I do mean 5 minutes. She got into and put it all over her walls in that amount of time.

I am always learning something new that is best for my kids. I am always willing to share that information as well. Here as well as in stores I found out today. Motherhood is not cut and dry. Things are always changing and we must change with the time. The more I am a mommy the more that I realize how very blessed I am. There is nothing more rewarding to me than watching my children grows. I often wonder what they will be when they grow up. I’m always telling them that they can be anything they want to be. My kids have taught me things as well. They’ve taught me to be patient. They’ve taught me to look at the smallest things in life and enjoy them. They’ve taught me to cherish my inner child. They’ve taught me that my family is more important than anything that I could ever buy. I knew that before just not as firmly as I do now.

I have realized that being a mother doesn’t mean I have to live by someone else’s way it has to work for us. So if I feed my kids’ cereal at dinner, that’s all right by me. I’ve started new traditions with them. I have fun with my kids. I put them first. I do allow them to watch cartoons. I allow them to be a kid. I play with my kids. I get down on the floor and color with them. We play games. I read them books at night. We say our prayers together. 

5. I go out of my way not to teach my children fear. We decided early on not to teach them fear. You see, my husband’s sister is terrified of everything. She’s scared of going into her own basement. She’s scared of dogs. She’s scared of rain storms. As the kids have gotten older, I realized how easy it was to teach fear. We were going to the park. I asked the neighborhood girl to go with us. Pumpkin was jumping from one bench to the other. I was watching as a normal mommy would do. I was holding my breath because I knew that she could fall and get hurt. It’s the hardest thing I ever had to do. When all of a sudden, the neighborhood girl grabbed her and said, “No, don’t do that! You’ll get hurt.” She would never try again after that. She was taught to fear something. We never let on if we are scared of something. I’m terrified of spiders. The kids are not aware of that.

These are just a few of the reasons that I think I am a Theta Mom.  So am I?  The only thing that I can tell you is that I believe that I am doing what is best for my children.  Thats all that matters to me.

I would like to tag all of my readers. Even if you aren’t a mother, tell us what you think one is. Please let me know when you do so. I want to learn about you as well.

Monkeyboy started preschool on Tuesday of this week for an hour forty-five minutes.  I think it cost more money to drive home and back so I decided to volunteer in Pumpkin’s class at school.  It just so happens that it falls on her gym day and her art day. 

Now I know you are all wondering how this could be time out.  I like to participate in Time Out for Theta Mom’s on Thursday.  You see, I have been driven insane lately by a 4 year old little boy who never shuts up.  Did I mention never?  It is non stop.  I’m just too old for that.  I have truly missed spending time with Pumpkin for field trips and volunteering in her class.  So my time off this week was to volunteer in Pumpkin’s art class.  What I didn’t know was that Mr. G, the art teacher, decided that I was to be one of the students today as well. 

For one hour, I was a first grader in art class.  The first thing we did was fold a white piece a paper into 4.  You take the paper and fold it in half.  Then fold it in half again.  Then we put a stencil underneath the paper and traced it with the side of a crayon.  We did this with all 4 of the squares.  In the end, we had a square with a leave in it, a bug in it, a butterfly in it, and a rose in it.  Then we took out the paint and lightly painted it.  I must say there were a lot of different looking art work coming out.

At the end of the class, Mr. G sang three songs that he wrote.  The first song was about his daughter, Katie who is 2 years old.  The second song was about his 8 month old little girl, Natalie.  I will always remember that.  It gave me chills to see how much he loved his child.  Last year when Pumpkin first started having him for a teacher.  Parents talked about how strange it was that he taught art.  I understand completely now.  The man is a musician.  He used to perform.  Art is a artist trait.  It makes sense.  Funny how people can take things out of proportion.  He is an excellent teacher.

Now the reason that I call this my hour for time out is that, I felt like a kid again.  This project made me giggle and laugh with all of the kids in Pumpkin’s class.  I felt like a little kid.  I was doing something that I totally stink at but having the time of my life with Pumpkin.  I made a memory with 26 first graders.  Me being one of them.  I know it was suppose to be without kids but this was better than without kids for a time out.

I found this great concept at Theta Mom‘s blog.  So I am going to try it out.  You are suppose to grab one hour of time within one week to do whatever you want…without the kids!  Yes I know what you are all thinking.  I never leave the kids.  Well I don’t but one hour.  I’m going to try it.  So once you have done the one hour a week, you are suppose to post about it and add Theta’s link on the side here and link up to other Theta Moms to see how they spent their hour as well.

This idea made me start thinking about how little time I spend away from the kids.  I work from home so Monkeyboy is with me constantly.  The only real time that Pumpkin is away from me is during school.  I am trying to get Monkeyboy into preschool in the local school system.  He qualified for the prescreening program.  I’ll talk about that in another blog.

Ok so an hour a week.  I chose to do the unforgivable in Pumpkin”s eyes.  I went to Borders without her.  Now I promised to do something for me which I took to mean that it shouldn’t be about the blog either.  I love writing the blog.  I love talking to other moms.  This blog was never meant to be a money maker for me.  I have to admit that I would like people to read it.  Some day I want my kids to be able to read this blog and realize that their mother was a woman.  I make mistakes it happens.

The first thing I did when I got to Borders was go to the Seattle’s Best Coffee for a Cafe Mocha.  I always wondered if they were associated with Starbucks since the coffee tastes similar.  They had the same set up that is at Barnes and Nobles Bookstore which has a Starbucks in it. When I got home, I looked them up since enquiring minds wanted to know.  Starbucks is their parent company.

Once I arrived inside, I was in view of a small espresso bar adjacent to a quiet area with tables and chairs. The bar itself was red themed with a few decorations here and there. There wasn’t anything too eye catching. I wouldn’t expect it to be anyways since it’s really just a small attachment to Borders.  The menu was plain and had the average pastry items to choose from.  I decided to forgo the cheesecake that looked very inviting.  I have to admit the cheesecake almost won the battle.

As I watched the salesperson makes my coffee.  I was fascinated with the espresso machine and thought about how nice it would be to make one at home.  I haven’t bought a machine yet because it defeats the whole purpose of getting away from the kids for a little bit.  I noticed that they had different flavored syrups.  For my drink, he was putting in mocha.  I asked if they sold the flavored syrups to which I was told that it was signature item for “Seattle’s Best”.  As he mixed my drink, he talked about the different flavors of coffee that they sold:  French Roast, Breakfast Blend, Almond Roca, Cinnamon, Colombian, and various others.  I mentioned that this was a special treat for me.  He asked me if I liked ice cream.  Well, of course, I do.  He then proceeded to tell me that they have a JavaKula.  Ok, now this was a nightmare thing for me.  Can you say overhaul on the diet plan?  Well if I had that I am sure it would kill the diet for a week.  Store that thought in the back of my head.  He asked if I had a Border’s reward card.  I said, “Yes.”  He then told me that you get a free drink on your birthday!  No one had ever told me that before.  He smiled and told me that the shake was included.  Now I’m wondering if he is evil.  Doesn’t this guy realize that to offer an obvious overweight woman something like that should be criminal?  But hey once a year being bad on the day you are suppose sounds like a plan to me.

Good tip for the day:  The Border’s reward card is free.  You earn discounts.  You get a free drink on your birthday.

So he finishes brewing my Cafe Mocha and tops it off with whipped cream and a chocolate stick.  I’m in heaven.  He has just put two of my favorite things of all together:  chocolate and coffee.  There were lots of seats to sit in but I chose to go wandering for something to read.  What will I read?  What will I look at?  There are so many things to wet my appetite.