In the midst of having to pick up a part for the air conditioning that is not working in the hottest day of the year, we decided to celebrate my birthday by going out to dinner.  I chose to go the Applebees close to my husband’s work.  They have a great two for $20 deal going on.  We picked up the part from a friend of one of my husbands and then headed to Applebees.  It was about 7 pm on Saturday night.  I didn’t think about how crowded such a popular place would be.  The parking lot was full.  My husband said why don’t we drive to the one out by our house.  I said let’s see what the wait is and then make the decision.

I walked into Applebees and put in our name.  As I was telling the hostess that there were four in our party, I noticed my kid’s biological adoptive mother’s last name on the list.  I was thinking that it wasn’t likely that it was hers.  Although, we were in their area.  The next minute I was being greeted by her adopted mother, Chelsey (this is not her name for this post I will not post it).  Long story short Chelsey is my children’s second biological cousin.  She hugged and we spoke a few words.  Faith was hiding behind me.  She hadn’t recognized her.  I introduced Faith to her.  It wasn’t that surprising that she didn’t since she hadn’t seen her recently.  When Chelsey asked Faith if she would like to see her sister.  Faith, of course, did.

While Faith was going to see her sister, Chelsey remarked that Faith looked so much like her sister.  I told her that Jason looked a lot like their older brother as well.  Would you like to see?  Chelsey was excited to see Jason.  Since my husband was still outside smoking, my son was with him.  She wasn’t aware that we were all together.   I asked if they had just gotten there.  She said yes.  I asked if she would like us to join them for dinner.  Which we did.

The weird part of this is:  all week I had been considering what the options were for the kids to visit with their siblings.  It is really hard for this to happen because of the negative impacts that have happened to both of my children from the biological side.  I don’t want to go into it.  I do not want my kids traumatized more than they already are.  After talking with Chelsey, I believe that we both have found ways for the kids to share time together.

Short end to this story, have you ever known that you were participating in one of God’s small miracles?  I do now.

Welcome back to Sunday Stealing which originated on WTIT: The Blog authored by Bud Weiser. Here we will steal all types of memes from every corner of the blogosphere. Our promise to you is that we will work hard to find the most interesting and intelligent memes. You may have heard of the expression, “honor amongst thieves”. In that age-old tradition, we also have our rules. First, we always credit the blog that we stole it from and we will “fess up” to the blog owner where we stole the meme. We also provide a link to the victim’s post. (It’s our way of saying “Thanks!”) We do sometimes edit the original meme, usually to make it more relevant to our global players, to challenge our players, sometimes to select that meme’s best questions, or simply to make it less repetitive from either this new meme or recently asked questions from a prior featured meme. Let’s go!!!

Today we ripped off a blogger named Pookie 808 called Pookie808.We will do it in two parts. Where she got it, we have no idea. But this is someone who could not come up a separate screen name and a blog name. But, it was probably stolen there as well. So, of course, that will be as far as we go. Tracing back our theft’s thieves might take some time.Take the time to comment on other player’s posts. It’s a great way to make new friends! Link back to us at Sunday Stealing!

Sunday Stealing: The Get Out of Jail Free Meme, Part One

1. When you’re home alone, do you still close the door when you use the restroom?

Hey I never know when they will walk in so yes I do.

2. If you have to go grocery shopping, would you rather go alone or with someone? 

If the chose is to go alone or take my kids, definitely alone.  I like to shop with adults though.

3. It’s your best friends birthday, would you buy them a gift even though they didn’t buy you one for yours 

If I had the money.  Truthfully, with the way we are financially right now, I can’t do that.

4. You win the lottery. Lump sum or small payments over a period of time? Why? 

Lump sum.  I know where the money if I spend it all.   Rule of gravity, if I was lucky enough to win and took the small payments.  I would be  unlucky enough that they would go bankrupt before I got my money.  I can invest it wisely or spend it.

5. Do you like your music loud or at a reasonable level? 

At a reasonable level.  I used to like it loud but as you get older your ears become sensitive before they just die so you then you want it loud again.

6. Are you a beach person or a snowy mountain person? 

Snowy mountain person.  I do not like sand in the wrong places.

7. When do you brush your teeth?

Morning and at night

8. Can you watch scary movies alone?

Yes but its better with someone else.  I love squeezing my husband’s arm off.

9. Soft bed or firm? And in fantasy land, who’s in it with you?

Firm.  That’s a trick question, my first husband or my current one.

10. Would you rather stay home all day, or be out and about?

I am home all day now.  Be out and about when I can.

11. What’s one of your worst memories (that you are comfortable sharing)?

The day my first husband died.

12. Do you like to keep the peace or be confrontational?

A little of both.  I like the peace but I don’t like being walked on.

13. Are you more likely to be with a large group of people or a few close friends?

Few close friends

14. What are your plans for October?

Having the kids back in school.  I plan on starting as well.

15. If money were not a problem, where would you like to live?

Far away.  I don’t know.  I actually like my house.  I might fix it up.  But I would travel a lot.

16. What is your ideal profession?

Being a writer

17. Are you (or were you) close to your Mom and Dad?

I’d like to say I was but that’s not totally accurate.  I am getting closer to mom now.

18. What is one fear that you can’t seem to overcome?

Growing old

19. Are you good at math?

Yes
20. Editor’s note. There is no question 20. It is sort of like getting a “Get out of Jail Free” card. We will do 21 to 40 next time. Peace & love!

Thank you for playing this week on Sunday Stealing! Please leave a comment or link when you have posted. Stop back and visit other player’s posts. That is really what this is all about, making new friends! Have a great week. See you next Sunday! (197)

Teacher:  Ms. Z, Jason is having an episode again.

Me:  What is he doing?

Teacher:  He is running all over the place.

Me:  Did you give him sugar?

Teacher:  The other helper did.

Me:  Then you have to wait til the sugar runs out.  I can’t stop him now.  I told you no sugar.

Teacher:  But he needs to stop.

Me:  Then don’t let someone give him sugar.  Sugar feeds his ADHD.  I told you the doctor said no sugar.

Teacher:  That doesn’t solve the issue.

Me:  He’ll calm down when its time to go home.  I’ll work with him when he gets home.

The school is suppose to work with you.  I tell them that he shouldn’t have sugar.  They give him rewards that are candy.  I know he doesn’t like erasers.  But he does like other toys, if you give Jason sugar he will drive you insane about two hours later.  Happens on the weekends all the time.  Happens at birthday parties but I let my husband deal with that now.  Let Jason run it off.  At school where he is suppose to be calm and seated, sugar is a bigger NO NO.  All year I have said the same thing, it frustrates me when they don’t listen.

Empathy is the capacity to recognize and share feelings that are being experienced by another sentient or semi-sentient being.

Jason will get into argument, take things from other kids, etc.  When you ask Jason if he understands how he is making the other child feel.  This is the conversation.

Do you realize that you hurt the other little boys feeling when you took his pencil?

Jason:  No

How would you feel if he had taken your pencil?

Jason:  Don’t know

Think about it, Jason, how would you feel?

Jason:  Mad

Do you think the other little boy feels that way because you took his pencil?

Jason:  I don’t know.

He isn’t playing a game.  He truly does not know how the other child feels.  He can’t relate his emotions to another child feeling the same way.  This makes it very difficult for working with him.  You have to wait until Jason is no longer ready to explode.   He has to be perfectly calm so that you can talk about what he did and why it was wrong.

When a child has no empathy, you have to have these conversations often.  Hoping that some day..some way.. Jason will think of the conversation when the situation is happening.  The odds aren’t likely that he ever will.  But I will keep trying.

It’s my birthday.  I woke up this morning and the kids all said happy birthday to me.  My husband said it.  I don’t know if he remembered or the kids reminded him.  Not worth worrying about.  Birthdays typically do not bother me anymore.  When I turned 35, I wanted to hide in my bed and not see the world until the next day as if that would change the fact I was getting older.

Today I realized that this birthday was bothering me.  Not for the typical reason.  Not because I am getting older.  But because my parents are getting older.  You see, mom had me when she was 22.  She, also, had my older brother when she was 22.  My birthday is today.  Mom’s is next week.  My brothers the week after.  I am only eleven months 2 weeks younger than my brother.

I’ve noticed the grays coming into my hair.  I do think about what if… what if I’m not here when the kids grow up.  What if I don’t see my grandkids.  What if…  They go on and on.

Today, my thought is that my mother will be 70 next week.  My father the month after.  They won’t be here for ever so celebrate your family when you can.

Birthdays make me melancholy.  Have a great birthday for me today!

Do you listen to your instincts?

I was trying for posting every day but that doesn’t seem to work right now.  I went to the doctors on Friday and found out that I have a meniscal tear in my knee on the right side and on the left side I have fluid build up.  This means that my knee is totally screwed up.  I hurt my back years ago so this old lady’s body is falling to the side.

I talked to the doctor and he said it would be a while to work with this.   A meniscal tear is one of the most common knee injuries.  I am finding out just how hard it is to get around when every time you move your knee it sends shooting pains up your leg.  I am looking at the possibility of surgery at the moment.

Now to make manners worse, my back is acting up.  The doctor signed a request for a handicap tag for the car.  There are two boxes for the doctor to check one was for a temporary disability and the other was for permanent disability.  He checked the permanent one.

I am now determined that this will not be a permanent disability.  I might have problems with my back too but I can live with them.  Don’t feel bad for me.

As the post is called “life happens”, I found that I was not in the mood to write on Friday or the weekend so I won’t guarantee daily.  But I will be posting often.

and it reflects in your eyes.

It is not something physical.”

- Sophia Loren

It terrifies me to know that they could possibly have blown up my street with what they were doing.  With trepidation, I rolled down the window.  Here is the conversation as closely as I remember it:

Idiot:  How are you today?

Me:  Doing good.

Idiot:  I’m up here cleaning out the house for my brother.  I promised him to try to get everything out since he is on an ankle bracelet. (I am now thinking why aren’t you?  I’m scared, folks.  I mean is he desperate.  Does he think that maybe I turned them in.  I don’t know what to think.)

Me:  That has to be a big job.

Idiot:  Well since I have two weeks to do it.  I will be around.  The cops have nothing on us.  This happened because of the other neighbor who was fighting with her boyfriend.  It wasn’t about us.  (What is he talking about?  From what I heard her boyfriend was involved as well with this.  Just go away, buddy.  Get out of my life.  Get out of my neighborhood.  NOW!  But I remained calmed and acted like oh boy this wasn’t unusual.)

Me:  Have you gone to court yet?

Idiot:  Yes they put us off for another two weeks.  Like I said they don’t have the goods on us.  Bro gets to see his kids once a week and my mom sees them too.  I think mom is going to get them back from Children’s Services.  They cut off their mom’s visitation permanently.  The kids told Children’s Services that if they had to go to their mom, they would rather stay in foster care.  (Dude, don’t you realize how bad that sounds?  Those kids are so hurt.  They are so neglected from their parents and family.)

Me:  That’s sad that the kids feel that way.

Idiot:  Well I best get back to packing up the house.

This man is inside a house that has been contaminated by them cooking meth in.  There are signs on the front door that says that everything in the house is contaminated but here he is taking stuff out of it.  What is the world coming too.

This is my baby, Jason.  He just turned seven years old this month.  In this picture, he is covering his ears and head hoping to stop the awful birthday song going on.  We had Easter with my family last weekend and included his birthday.  Well it’s Wordless Wednesday.  I’m off to check out other blogs.

Reactive attachment disorder is a rare but serious condition in which infants and young children don’t establish healthy bonds with parents or caregivers.

A child with reactive attachment disorder is typically neglected, abused or orphaned. Reactive attachment disorder develops because the child’s basic needs for comfort, affection and nurturing aren’t met and loving, caring attachments with others are never established. This may permanently change the child’s growing brain, hurting the ability to establish future relationships.

Reactive attachment disorder is a lifelong condition, but with treatment children can develop more stable and healthy relationships with caregivers and others. Safe and proven treatments for reactive attachment disorder include psychological counseling and parent or caregiver education.

Lifelong condition….  Jason came through the foster care system.  He was taken when he was three weeks old from his biological parents.  He was sitting in broken glass from picture frames. I am positive that if he was found that way, he could not have been in a nurturing or loving environment.  Then he was sent to a relative that had ten kids varying in age but the youngest were quads that were only a little older than him.  He was told that they were his siblings.  Jason tells me that he was told that.  I do not know that for sure.  He was then pulled from this home after two years and placed in a foster home with a mother and another child.  He was told to call them mom and the child was again his sibling.  When he came to us, he was told that my daughter was his sister.  Recently, I had the discussion with him finally understanding that he did not know that my daughter was truly his biological sister.  As adults, we understand biological but a child doesn’t.  I talked with him about the fact that they were siblings.  He didn’t understand at all.  I pulled out a picture of them together and explained once again that they shared the same biological mother.

I asked Jason if he saw any similarities between them.

He said: “We share the same eyebrows.  The color of our hair.  Eye color and smile.  Wow we look alike, mom.”

Me:  ”Did you share the same with the others?”

He said:  ”No.  We are brother and sister.  I see it now.”

To Jason, that is it.  It is as simple as that.  They look alike so it’s true.  I hope and pray every day that settles it in his heart as well.

Now let’s look at the symptoms of Reactive Attachment Disorder per Mayo Clinic:

Reactive attachment disorder begins before age 5. Signs and symptoms of the disorder may begin when the child is still an infant.  

Signs and symptoms in toddlers, older children and adolescents may include:

• Withdrawing from others
• Avoiding or dismissing comforting comments or gestures
• Acting aggressively toward peers
• Watching others closely but not engaging in social interaction
• Failing to ask for support or assistance
• Obvious and consistent awkwardness or discomfort
• Masking feelings of anger or distress
• Alcohol or drug abuse in adolescents

As children with reactive attachment disorder grow older, they may develop either inhibited or disinhibited behavior patterns. While some children have signs and symptoms of just one type of behavior, many exhibit both types.

• Inhibited behavior. Children with inhibited behavior shun relationships and attachments to virtually everyone. This may happen when a baby never has the chance to develop an attachment to any caregiver.
• Disinhibited behavior. Children with disinhibited behavior seek attention from virtually everyone, including strangers. This may happen when a baby has multiple caregivers or frequent changes in caregivers. Children with this type of reactive attachment disorder may frequently ask for help doing tasks, have inappropriately childish behavior or appear anxious.

There’s little research on signs and symptoms of reactive attachment disorder beyond early childhood. It may lead to controlling, aggressive or delinquent behaviors, trouble relating to peers, and other problems. While treatment can help children and adults cope with reactive attachment disorder, the changes that occur during early childhood are permanent and the disorder is a lifelong challenge.

Begins before they are 5 years old.  By the age of 3, Jason had been part of three families.  Jason’s symptoms include:  withdrawing from others, avoiding comforting gestures, acting aggressively toward peers, watching others but not engaging, failing to ask for support or assistance, discomfort.  As well as hurting small children and small animals, no empathy and extreme anger fits, extremely moody and easily hurt by others emotionally.  Jason does attach to everyone.  I mean everyone.  It is a concern because there are predators out there.

His situation makes me wonder how many foster and adoptive children suffer from this.  I am getting him help.  I am searching for a new doctor as well as trying to get him into Children’s Hospital where the best doctors are.  Does Jason have this?  I think so but I want a professional tell me how to help him.

Adopting a child is a blessing but you do have to be prepared to accept them and love them unconditionally no matter what the issue is.

Why is it that when I decide what I am going to write about its not when the screen is up to write?

Why is it that my brain cells don’t remember what I was going to write about?

Why is it that we have to grow old?

Why is it that we turn into children again when we get very old?

Why is it that little man just wants my hair to turn white before I’m 50?

Why is that my daughter, who is 9, acts like she’s a full grown teenager already?

Why is it that those that love you can’t leave well enough alone sometimes?

These are questions that I am pondering right now.  Some can be fixed.  I’m afraid when I get old I will get alzheimer’s like my grandma.  I’m not 50 yet but already I am losing my memory.  Short term I believe.  I lose my keys all the time.  I lost my cell phone 3 times this year.  I locked the keys in the car.  I forgot to pick up my kids a few times.  We don’t even want to know how many appointments I have missed already.

BUT….

I am taking my freedom back today.  You sent me another note.  I’m not stopping this time.  I’m not running and hiding from you.  Heads up, Anonymous Commenter, I am continuing with my blog this time.  Say what you want.  I don’t need to answer to it.

Everyone who has a blog has had an anonymous commenter.  You aren’t special.  You can’t even show your face or say who you are.  What is special is that I will continue to write this blog and not stop for you.

So anonymous commenter, welcome to the rest of my blog.  See  you tomorrow.

Sorry for the interruptions to the blogs, I have had mr or mrs. anonymous commenter, commenting for a few years now.  I’ve tried everything blocking ip address and all.  They keep coming back.  I refuse to allow them to continue to torment me.  I am growing a thicker skin.  I am taking back my life.  Enough is ENOUGH.  Here we go.

When I was a little girl, my mom and I did not see eye to eye.  She thought I was my father’s favorite and he thought I was hers.  Needless to say when that is the issue and there are five siblings, you tend to get left out.  My mother was in a very co-dependent relationship if you don’t know what that is, go here for more information.  She was always more concerned about what was going to happen in her relationship than us.  What would please him.. How she could fix this problem.  Us kids had to be perfect or she would tell him.  If it was a serious offense such as my brother stealing a toy car from the store at the age of 6, we often heard what will I tell your father he will divorce me.  Now, knowing that you can understand when I say that I never EVER threaten my children with what their father will do when he gets home.  I always handle it right then and there and its over.

My mother did not leave my dad as I was growing up.  Though us kids were known for begging her to do so.  She waited until all the kids were older.  My brother was over eighteen before they split the first time.  They tried to get back together once after that but things were bad quickly.  She finally divorced him officially when she turned sixty-five years old.  What good is that?  The good years were gone.  They stayed married all that time because of the family business. 

Mom & Jman

The bright light to all this… the beauty moment that I had with my mom was on Saturday when the family got together to share Easter.  My mother is happy and glowing now.  She smiles all the time.  She is now surrounded by her kids and grand kids.  I get to finally see her adjusted to being herself and not a puppet on a string.  Way to go Mom!

Lately, I have been visiting our local popular library here in town.  The branch that I was visiting has been awarded the Library of the Year in our district.  It has an amazing children’s program as well as offering computer classes of various kinds to the public.  Not to mention so many other things that they offer to the public for free.

My goal is to sit down at the computer and write since I can not focus on my writing at home because of the distractions.  I will sit down at a computer and sign on to my various programs.  There are about 50 computers in this library for people to use.  I have been going for about a week now.  I began to notice that a lot of the same folks were there.  At first, I thought they were just like me.  Maybe unemployed and looking for a job.  But being nosy, as you all know I am, I walked around a few to see that most were playing games on Facebook, Yahoo, etc.  That got me to thinking.

Who are these people then?  I spoke with a few that told me that they had lost their jobs due to downsizing.  Some were just stay at home moms like me that couldn’t afford their cable bills anymore.   I spoke with a few others that I had begun to suspect were homeless.  I didn’t ever come out and directly ask them if they were.  I didn’t want to offend them.  But on several occasions, my kids were in late programs or I was a writing group, they were still there as well.  Was it just an odd coincidence?  I don’t think so.  One gentleman when we left I saw him walk away from the library toward the road and then he just seemed to disappear.  This left me to ponder if the homeless use the library for shelter during the day.

Truly it would make sense if this was the deal since they have long hours.  The library here is usually open from 10 am until somewhere around 7 pm to 9 pm.  The weekends would be harder though since they don’t have as long as hours.

Did you know that….

 In the United States each year, there are around 3.5 million people who live their lives without shelter or a stable occupation. 

I found that fact here.  To me that is more scary than anything I have ever heard.  The economy is so bad that people are living in the elements.  I can’t imagine that.  It is one of my worst nightmares now.  Can you imagine sleeping thirty-two degree weather?  Or when you can’t breath outside?  I can’t imagine as a mother having my children in those situations.  How could you protect them?  How could you keep them healthy?  Thank God for what I have.

Are libraries the new homeless shelter during the day?  If not, I don’t know why not.  They are safe.  They are warm.  In our case, the library is one of the friendliest I have ever been too.

Be kind to the person next to you in the library.  You never know what their situation is.

photo credit: BGSU University Libraries